Questions
Frequently Asked by Adoptive Parents
Why
do Birth Families Chose Adoption?
There are many reasons why birth parents may choose adoption: a single mother
may want her child to have two parents, a couple may feel that they are too
young or too inexperienced, or insecure financially to parent their child.
Others may want to complete their education. Even some married birth parents
may choose adoption because their relationship isn’t stable enough for
a child or they cannot afford to bring a child into their family.
If we are meeting with
a birth mother or father in hopes of adopting his or her child, what kind
of questions might they ask?
Birth parents are making a big decision when they decide to place their child
for adoption. They want to make sure that their child is going into a safe,
loving and fun family. Here are some questions that you may encounter when
meeting with the birth parents:
- Why do you want to adopt a baby?
- Do you have any other children? Are they adopted or birth children?
- Do you have any experience with children?
- What does your family think about you adopting a baby?
- Will you tell the child that he/she is adopted? When and how?
- What will you tell the child about me? What will you say about his/her
birth father?
- What are your religious beliefs?
- What are your beliefs about education?
- What forms of discipline do you plan to use with your child?
- Are you willing to maintain contact with me as your child grows up?
- How often would you like the contact between us to be?
What is a home study?
A home study or an adoptive assessment is a detailed evaluation of you, your
family and your life. You will meet several times with a social worker to
talk about your life, marriage (if applicable), relationships, values and
beliefs. Remember the social worker is not looking for a “squeaky-clean,
perfect” family. The social worker is really working for the child and
they want to make sure that you can provide a loving and safe environment
for the child. As part of the home study process, you will also be required
to have a criminal background check, a physical examination and provide personal
references.
When I was younger, I was in
a little trouble with the law. Will this prohibit my ability to adopt?
Well, it depends on how you define “a little trouble.” If you
have a misdemeanor for a crime that was committed several years ago you will
probably still be able to adopt. Your adoption worker will want to talk about
that crime and why it occurred. However, if you have a pattern of criminal
behavior (even if they are misdemeanors) you will probably be eliminated from
the adoption process. If you have a felony conviction that is in any way related
to children (child abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence, kidnapping) you
will not be able to adopt. All other felonies will have to be discussed on
an individual basis with the agency that you are working with.
I have a chronic illness.
Can I still adopt?
Again, this will depend on the degree of illness that you are experiencing.
If you are able to regulate and care for your illness, you will probably
still be able to adopt. However, if you are in poor health and unable to
keep the illness under control you will probably not be considered by an
agency. The agency's minimum requirement is that you are able to parent
your child to adulthood, though most of us still need parents well beyond
age 18. The agency will probably ask for a doctor’s statement indicating
that that the illness is under control.
My spouse and I are having
some marital problems. In fact, we are considering separating. What will this
do to our plans to adopt?
If you are in the process of adopting and you begin to have serious marital
problems, your case will be closed. The adoption worker will recommend that
you seek counseling. If you seek counseling and make progress toward healing
your relationship, you may reapply for adoption. If you and your spouse get
divorced, you can apply for adoption as a single person.
How long does the adoption
process take?
Unfortunately, there is no clear answer to that question. For some the wait
can be a year, others may wait five years. On average, the typical adoption
from start to finish takes about two years. This depends on the type of adoption, as well as the country for international adoption.
How old do I have to be to
adopt, and if I'm married, how long do we have to have been married?
The traditional eligibility requirements for adoptive parents are changing.
However, for many infant adoptions, agencies will only consider couples
married at least 1 to 3 years between the ages of 25 and 40.You have to
be at least 21 to adopt in Wisconsin. There are a few agencies that accept
applicants who are older than 40—you just have to look a little harder
for them.
In the case of international adoptions, the country sets the rules for
the age of an adoptive parent. Many countries have rules—for example,
at least one adoptive parent can be no more than 45 years older than the
age of the child the parents are adopting. Contact several different agencies
to see what their specific qualifications are for their agency, as well
as for specific countries. There is no specific age limit for special needs
adoption.
How much does adoption cost?
The cost of adoption varies with the type of adoption that you choose to
do. Special needs adoptions are usually done free of cost through the state
of Wisconsin. International adoptions can be quite costly ranging from $20,000
- $50,000 depending on what country you adopt from. Domestic adoptions range
from $15,000 - $25,000.
I have selected an agency
that I think I want to work with. How can I check out this agency to make
sure it's reputable?
When working with an agency you want to make sure that first they are licensed
by the State of Wisconsin. You can find that information by asking the agency
directly or by calling the us at 800-762-8063 or 414-475-0596. You can also
ask the agency for some references of families that they have worked with
in the past. If you would like to see if there have been in violations in
the agency’s license or if there were any formal complaints made about
the agency, you can check with the state licensor. Again, contact us at the
numbers above for that information.
If I/we choose an open
adoption, how much contact do I/we have to have with the birth family after
the adoption is finalized? Or can I/we choose not to stay in touch?
It is very important to make a plan that is comfortable for both you and
the birth parents. Some birth parents like to receive letters or photographs
of their child on a regular basis. Others only initiate contact occasionally.
Birth parents may even have telephone conversations or even visit the adoptive
family on occasion. It is very important that you and the birth parents share
the same views on open adoption. While the agreement that you make with the
birth parents(as to the degree of contact you both want) is not legally binding,
it is extremely important that you honor that agreement.
I have seen stories in
the media of birth father or birth mothers coming back to take their child
away from the adoptive parents. Can that happen here?
Most of the media stories of birth parents “coming back to take their
child” are from states other than Wisconsin. Most of these situations
occur because the proper legal procedure was not followed. Under Wisconsin
law, the birth parent is not allowed to “come back to take his or her
child” after the Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) has happened.
However, birth parents do have the right to appeal a TPR within 30 days of
the TPR court hearing. (This happens very rarely in cases where parents voluntarily
terminate their rights.) With any questions regarding your case, consult your
adoption agency worker.
Are we responsible for
payment of any medical, housing, or clothing bills for the birth mother?
If the birth mother does not have medical insurance, the adoption agency can
help her consider her health care options and help her apply for Medicaid
if necessary. In addition, according to Wisconsin State statutes, the proposed
adoptive parents of a child may pay the actual cost of the following:
- Pre-adoptive counseling for a birth parent of the child or an alleged
or presumed father of the child.
- Post-adoptive counseling for a birth parent of the child or an alleged
or presumed father of the child.
- Maternity clothes for the child's birth mother, not to exceed $300.
- Local transportation expenses of a birth parent of the child that are
related to the pregnancy or adoption.
- Services provided by a licensed child welfare agency in connection
with the adoption.
- Medical and hospital care received by the child's birth mother in connection
with the pregnancy or birth of the child. Medical and hospital care does
not include lost wages or living expenses.
- Medical and hospital care received by the child.
- Legal and other services received by a birth parent of the child, an
alleged or presumed father of the child or the child concerning the adoption.
- Living expenses of the child's birth mother, in an amount not to exceed
$5,000, if payment of the expenses by the proposed adoptive parents or
a person acting on their behalf is necessary to protect the health and
welfare of the birth mother or the fetus.
- Any investigation ordered under s. 48.837 (4) (c), according to a fee
schedule established by the department based on ability to pay.
- If the adoption is completed, the cost of any care provided for the
child under s. 48.837 (4) (d).
- Birthing classes.
- A gift to the child's birth mother from the proposed adoptive parents,
of no greater than $100 in value.
What rights does the father
of the baby have?
One of the fundamental rights protected by the Constitution is the right of
a parent to raise a child. Under Wisconsin law, the mother of a child born
out of wedlock has custody. However, the father also has rights to the child.
As the father, he has the right to agree to make the child available for
adoption. In fact, this cannot be done without his voluntary consent or
a legal procedure to terminate his parental rights involuntarily. He also
has the right to ask the Court to grant him custody and allow him to raise
the child.
An alleged father has the right to file a declaration of paternal interest
under s. 48.025 before the birth of the child, within 14 days after the
birth of the child, or within 21 days after the date on which the notice
is mailed, whichever is later.
If a person appears at the hearing and claims that he is the father of
the child, the court shall set a date for a hearing on the issue of paternity.
A birth father has the right to agree or disagree to make the child available
for adoption. An adoption can not occur without the voluntary consent or
an involuntary termination of parental rights based on court proceedings.
If the birth father wants to parent his child then he has the right to ask
the Court to grant him custody and allow him to raise the child.
When is the adoption final?
Under Wisconsin law, the birth parents' decision does not become final
until they terminate their parental rights (TPR). Once the TPR is finalized
at a court hearing, the birth parents no longer have any legal responsibility
for the child. They do, however, have 30 days to appeal the TPR decision.
Approximately six months after the TPR hearing, the adoption finalization
hearing is held, and the adoption is legally final. With any questions regarding
your case, consult your adoption agency worker.
What should we tell our
child about his/her adoption?
Most adoptive parents have found that sharing adoption with their child
from the very beginning makes adoption something to be proud of. Some parents
that have waited to talk about adoption have found that it can create shame
and anger for their child. Adoption is something to celebrate with your
child. The key is to share information regarding birth family is a loving
and sensitive manner. There are resources available at Adoption Resources
of Wisconsin to help with talking to your child about adoption.
Can adults be adopted?
Yes, and it's a much easier process than adopting a child. Some adults grew
up without having a real family and long to feel the closeness that a family
provides. It is possible for these adults to be adopted by a family. If you
would like more information on adult adoption, please contact us at 800-762-8063
or (414) 475-0596.
I
adopted internationally. Am I eligible for my state's reimbursement of non-recurring
expenses or adoption subsity for my child?
No. Adoption subsidies and the reimbursement of non-recurring
expenses are specifically set up for those families who adopt special needs
children from the state of Wisconsin. However, you can apply for a federal
tax benefit. For more information, go to the IRS Adoption Credit website at:
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc607.html
