Questions
Frequently Asked by Adoptive Parents
Why do Birth Families Chose Adoption?
There are many reasons why birth parents may choose adoption: a single
mother may want her child to have two parents, a couple may feel that they
are too young or too inexperienced, or insecure financially to parent their
child. Others may want to complete their education. Even some married birth
parents may choose adoption because their relationship isn’t stable
enough for a child or they cannot afford to bring a child into their family.
If We Are meeting with a Birth Mother or Father
in Hopes of Adopting his or Her Child, What Kind of Questions Can We Expect?
Birth parents are making a big decision when they decide to place their
child for adoption. They want to make sure that their child is going into
a safe, loving and fun family. Here are some questions that you may encounter
when meeting with the birth parents:
- Why do you want to adopt a baby?
- Do you have any other children? Are they adopted or birth children?
- Do you have any experience with children?
- What do your families think about you adopting a baby?
- Will you tell the child that he/she is adopted? When and how?
- What will you tell the child about me? What will you say about his/her
birth father?
- What are your religious beliefs?
- What are your beliefs about education?
- What forms of discipline do you plan to use with your child?
- Are you willing to maintain contact with me as your child grows up?
- How often would you like the contact between us to be?
What is a Home Study?
A home study or an adoptive assessment is a detailed evaluation of you,
your family and your life. You will meet several times with a social worker
to talk about your life, marriage (if applicable), relationships, values
and beliefs. Remember the social worker is not looking for a “squeaky-clean,
perfect” family. The social worker is really working for the child
and they want to make sure that you can provide a loving and safe environment
for the child. As part of the home study process, you will also be required
to have a criminal background check, a physical examination and provide
personal references.
When I was Younger, I Got Into a Little Trouble
with the Law. Will this Prohibit my Ability to Adopt?
Well, it depends on how you define “a little trouble.” If you
have a misdemeanor for a crime that was committed several years ago you
will probably still be able to adopt. Your adoption worker will want to
talk about that crime and why it occurred. However, if you have a pattern
of criminal behavior (even if they are misdemeanors) you will probably be
eliminated from the adoption process. If you have a felony conviction that
is in any way related to children (child abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence,
kidnapping) you will not be able to adopt. All other felonies will have
to be discussed on an individual basis with the agency that you are working
with.
I Have a Chronic Illness. Can I Still Adopt?
Again, this will depend on the degree of illness that you are experiencing.
If you are able to regulate and care for your illness, you will probably
still be able to adopt. However, if you are in poor health and unable to
keep the illness under control you will probably not be considered by an
agency. Keep in mind that the agency wants you to be around for a long time
so that you will always be there to care for the child. The agency will
probably ask for a doctor’s statement indicating that that the illness
is under control.
My Spouse and I are Having Som eMarital problems.
In Fact, We are Considering Separating. What Wiill This Do to Our Plans to
Adopt?
If you are in the process of adopting and you begin to have serious marital
problems, your case will be closed. The adoption worker will recommend that
you seek counseling. If you seek counseling and make progress toward healing
your relationship, you may reapply for adoption. If you and your spouse
get divorced, you can apply for adoption as a single person.
How Long Does the Adoption Process Take?
Unfortunately, there is no clear answer to that question. For some the
wait can be a year, others may wait five years. On average, the typical
adoption from start to finish takes about two years.
How Old Do I Have to Be to Adopt, and If I
am Married, How Long Do We Have to be Married?
The traditional eligibility requirements for adoptive parents are changing.
However, for many infant adoptions, agencies will only consider couples
married at least 1 to 3 years between the ages of 25 and 40 (you have to
be at least 21 to adopt in Wisconsin). There are a few agencies that accept
applicants who are older than 40—you just have to look a little harder
for them. In the case of international adoptions, some programs have a cut
off age of 45 for one of the spouses. For example, if you are 42 and your
husband is 47, you may still be able to qualify for certain international
adoption programs. It is important that you contact several different agencies
to see what their specific qualifications are. There is no specific age
limit for special needs adoption.
How Much Will Adoption Cost?
The cost of adoption varies with the type of adoption that you choose to
do. Special needs adoptions are usually done free of cost through the state
of Wisconsin. International adoptions can be quite costly ranging from $20,000
- $50,000 depending on what country you adopt from. Domestic adoptions range
from $15,000 - $25,000.
I Have Selected an Agency Which I Think I Want
to Work With. How Can I Check Out This Agency to Make Sure They Are Reputable?
When working with an agency you want to make sure that first they are licensed
by the State of Wisconsin. You can find that information by asking the agency
directly or by calling the us at 800-762-8063 or 414-475-0596. You can also
ask the agency for some references of families that they have worked with
in the past. If you would like to see if there have been in violations in
the agency’s license or if there were any formal complaints made about
the agency, you can check with the state licensor. Again, contact us at
the numbers above for that information.
If I/We Choose an Open Adoption, How Much contact
do I/We Have to Have with the Birth Family After the Adoption is Finalized?
Or Can I/We Choose Not to Stay in Touch?
It is very important to make a plan that is comfortable for both you and
the birth parents. Some birth parents like to receive letters or photographs
of their child on a regular basis. Others only initiate contact occasionally.
Birth parents may even have telephone conversations or even visit the adoptive
family on occasion. It is very important that you and the birth parents
share the same views on open adoption. While the agreement that you make
with the birth parents(as to the degree of contact you both want) is not
legally binding, it is extremely important that you honor that agreement.
I Have Seen Stories in the Media of Birth Fathers
or Birth Mothers coming Back to Take Their Child Away from the Adoptive Parents.
Can that Happen Here?
It is true that the cases we have seen in the media are very heart wrenching.
Many of the states that those cases have taken place in have very liberal
adoption laws. Wisconsin adoption laws are very tight. Once the parents
terminate their rights, 30 days after the birth of the child, there is no
reason that they can come back and take that child away from the adoptive
parents. The birth parents are given the 30 days after the birth of the
child so that they are not making a hasty or rushed decision. Once they
sign their termination of parental rights, the birth parents cannot change
their minds.
Are We Responsible for Payment of Any Medical,
Housing, or Clothing Bills for the Birth Mother?
If the birth mother does not have medical insurance, the adoption agency
can help her consider her health care options and help her apply for Medicaid
if necessary. In addition, according to Wisconsin State statutes, the proposed
adoptive parents of a child may pay the actual cost of the following:
- Pre-adoptive counseling for a birth parent of the child or an alleged
or presumed father of the child.
- Post-adoptive counseling for a birth parent of the child or an alleged
or presumed father of the child.
- Maternity clothes for the child's birth mother, not to exceed $300.
- Local transportation expenses of a birth parent of the child that are
related to the pregnancy or adoption.
- Services provided by a licensed child welfare agency in connection
with the adoption.
- Medical and hospital care received by the child's birth mother in connection
with the pregnancy or birth of the child. Medical and hospital care does
not include lost wages or living expenses.
- Medical and hospital care received by the child.
- Legal and other services received by a birth parent of the child, an
alleged or presumed father of the child or the child concerning the adoption.
- Living expenses of the child's birth mother, in an amount not to exceed
$5,000, if payment of the expenses by the proposed adoptive parents or
a person acting on their behalf is necessary to protect the health and
welfare of the birth mother or the fetus.
- Any investigation ordered under s. 48.837 (4) (c), according to a fee
schedule established by the department based on ability to pay.
- If the adoption is completed, the cost of any care provided for the
child under s. 48.837 (4) (d).
- Birthing classes.
- A gift to the child's birth mother from the proposed adoptive parents,
of no greater than $100 in value.
What Rights Does the Father of the Baby Have?
One of the fundamental rights protected by the Constitution is the right
of a parent to raise a child. Under Wisconsin law, the mother of a child
born out of wedlock has custody. However, the father also has rights to
the child. As the father, he has the right to agree to make the child available
for adoption. In fact, this cannot be done without his voluntary consent
or a legal procedure to terminate his parental rights involuntarily. He
also has the right to ask the Court to grant him custody and allow him to
raise the child.
When is the Birth Parent's choice to Place
the Baby for Adoption Final?
Under Wisconsin Law, the decision to place a child for adoption does not
become final until the termination of parental rights. The birth parents
have 30 days after the birth of their baby to decide if adoption is what
they truly want to do. After those 30 days are up, they will go to court
and formally terminate their parental rights. From that point on, the birth
parents will no longer have any legal responsibility for the child.
What Should We Tell Our child About His/Her
Adoption?
You will be given information about the birth parent’s background,
family and medical history, interests and hobbies – what the birth
parents are like as people. You will learn how and when to share this information
and how to answer your child’s questions with love and sensitivity.
Can Adults Be Adopted?
Some adults grew up without having a real family and long to feel the closeness
that a family provides. It is possible for these adults to be adopted by
a family. If you would like more information on adult adoption, please contact
us at 800-762-8063 or (414) 475-0596.
I Adopted Internationally. Am I Eligible for
my State's Reimbursement of Non-Recurring Expenses or Adoption Subsidy for
My Child?
No. Adoption subsidies and the reimbursement of non-recurring expenses
are specifically set up for those families that adopt special needs children
from the state of Wisconsin.
